daphaknee

do you think rape jokes are funny

have you been raped

http://manolobrides.com/2009/07/13/marriage-as-a-disposable-commodity/

http://manolobrides.com/?p=2484

It strikes me that there are a lot of people out there who are missing the overall point of those two little words, “I do.” Sure, weddings are fun. We LOVE weddings here at Manolo for the Brides, obviously. We look at wedding dress after wedding dress. We watch the wedding shows. We debate the merits of wedding favors. In short, there can be no doubt that Twistie and I are gaga over weddings.

But as nutty as we are for nuptials, I think both of us (and all of you) realize that the wedding is just one day out of your life. It doesn’t matter if your wedding budget is $100 or $100,000… once the reception is over, you have a whole lifetime of marriage to attend to. Unfortunately, not everyone can be as smart as us! For example, a couple living in Germany recently decided to end their marriage on the same day they tied the knot. That’s right, the same day!

“He said he never wanted to see her again and wanted an immediate annulment, and she said the same thing,” a spokesman for police in the northern city of Hanover said Thursday.

And it’s not as if the newlyweds simply decided amicably to part ways. Of course not. Almost immediately after they said their “I dos,” the bride and groom began fighting, and the fight culminated in the groom trying to slice off the bride’s hair with a kitchen knife. To make a long story short, the police were called, a restraining order was filed, and only then did the couple say their goodbyes.

Yeesh! I tell you what — as much as I like weddings, I’d take a good, happy marriage over a perfect wedding any day of the week. I’d rather be like Philipose Thomas, 100, and Sosamma, 99, of Kerala, India. If both of them are still alive, they’ve been married for a cool 91 years. (I say “if” because the last report I could find said 87 years in 2005.)

That’s awesome, no? One interviewer asked the couple if they ever quarreled. “Never,” said Mr. Thomas. “A lot,” said Sosamma. The Beard and I would probably give the very same answers.

http://manolobrides.com/2009/07/12/an-end-to-bridezilla-or-just-sour-grapes/

http://manolobrides.com/?p=2483

Bridezilla is a term that’s always annoyed me, not so much because it exists, but because it gets used as a bludgeon against women who don’t necessarily fit the definition at all. It gets pulled out to shame women who just want people to show up on time, and it gets used to trivialize truly reprehensible behavior.

There’s one thing, however, that’s clear about the term: bridezilla is an attitude of entitlement. Period. That’s what it’s about.

And so I have to kind of wonder at this article by Lauren Beckham Falcone for the Boston Herald. Her claim is that falling budgets for weddings equal an end to bridezilla.

Really?

Look, I know that we here at Manolo for the Brides are all about keeping to budgets and keeping the wedding day in perspective. We remind people often that there are alternatives to nearly everything expected in a wedding, that just because it’s expected doesn’t obligate you to have most wedding items, and that a little imagination can work wonders on the smallest budget. We’re fond of reminding you that things like ice luges, reception gowns, and live orchestras are not necessary for a nice wedding.

But there’s one thing we’ve never done, and that’s conflate a large budget with bad behavior.

Here’s the thing: a lavish celebration is not an act of aggression in and of itself, nor is a bargain basement budget an obvious indication that the persons involved are thoughtful and gracious.

If you’ve got the budget and want to spend it on a big, expensive wedding, this does not make you a bad person. What makes you a bad bride, yes, a bridezilla, is treating the people around you like crap. It’s assuming that because you want it, everyone around you should make it happen, whether you can afford it or not. It’s failing to show respect for others. It’s behaving as though vendors have no feelings, bridesmaids are indentured servants, and the weather itself will do your bidding because you are getting married.

So long as you treat the people around you with consideration, and don’t expect the world to spin differently on its axis simply because of your impending nuptials, I don’t care whether your budget is $100.00 or $100,000,000.00. Budget and behavior are two different things.

Behave like other people have feelings and needs (you know, ’cause they do), spend the money you have available in the way you choose, and enjoy the day you create.

Remember: budget and behavior are not the same thing.

http://manolobrides.com/2009/07/11/twisties-fourth-of-july-caption-madness-the-result/

http://manolobrides.com/?p=2482

Hey ho, campers!

Some of our more discerning readers may remember that last saturday was the Fourth of July. They may further remember the lovely picture I posted for the occasion. For those who don’t, here it is:

I promised a sort of Saturday Caption Madness result in addition to my regular saturday article, and I got a couple great responses. Of course, on saturday as on sunday, there can be but one winner. Today, that winner is perletwo for this sage warning to all brides who consider dazzling their guests with indoor fireworks:

Bob and Susie’s wedding reception was a real blast!

The repair bills for the reception hall ceiling after one of the Roman candles in the wedding cake went live, however, were not.

Congratulations, perletwo, and thanks to everyone who played!

http://manolobrides.com/2009/07/11/say-yes-to-the-dress-or-to-your-guests/

http://manolobrides.com/?p=2481

I don’t often watch Say Yes to the Dress. It’s not out of hatred, either. It’s more that I tend to forget it’s on at all. On it, women shop for wedding gowns at Kleinfeld Bridal in New York.

We watch the process as consultants work with brides - some of whom have flown in from all over the country - to find the right gown for the right woman. In general, it’s actually not bad. Yes, I think it’s a bit much for a woman who lives in Seattle and has just been laid off her job to fly all the way to New York for a wedding gown…but I can’t magically see into her bank account, either. And yes, that actually happened in an episode shown last night.

In fact, the episode was about women who fell in love with gowns well out of their price range. It happens. You see something gorgeous, try it on, fall in love, and then see what it will cost you. OUCH!

One of the consultants was quite determined to sell her bride a gown that was literally twice the top end of her gown budget. The bride adored the gown, so she was sorely tempted. Still, she was more practical than the laid off Seattle maiden who decided to splurge on the gown that cost a great deal more than she could afford, and joked about selling a kidney to pay for the dress. This woman wanted to be practical as well as pretty.

The consultant continued to push, telling her all the things she could cut in her wedding to pay for her gown. When she said flowers, I felt that was an option, depending on the setting of the wedding and the bride’s taste in flowers, not to mention how large her flower budget was to begin with. When she started telling the tempted bride that she could just cut a few people from her guest list and not feed everyone…that’s when I started to have a problem.

I know that each wedding vendor thinks their service is the single most important in the entire wedding. I also know that selling a six thousand dollar gown would have resulted in a terrific commission for the consultant. I understand that if she doesn’t sell dresses, she doesn’t eat. I also know that if I knew the price tag on that gown (or had any sort of an accurate guess) and then found myself sharing one tiny plate of appetizers with Mr. Twistie at the reception…I’d probably quietly end my relationship with that bride after that day. After all, it would sort of show me where I stood in her estimation.

In the end, the bride in question decided against not only the gown, but Kleinfeld, as well. She’d felt pressured. So the consultant lost any commission, Kleinfeld lost a sale, and the bride gave her money to a place that stayed closer to her budget. Her guests were all fed, I assume.

So what is the point I’m trying to get across to all of you?

Set your budget for wedding items before you go seriously shopping. Do some research in advance to get an idea of what your money is likely to get you, but once you’ve decided you’re not going over a certain dollar amount, be very clear with your vendors and don’t look at things that cost twice what you’re willing to spend.

If your wedding gown budget is $3,000.00, don’t look at something that costs $6,000.00. If the consultant at the salon won’t tell you the ballpark price until it’s on, tell them you’re not trying it on until you know whether it fits in your budget. If your budget is $500.00, don’t look at something that costs a grand.

Adjustments are possible, yes. You can decide to pull a bit out of decorations or drop an item or two that doesn’t mean anything to you as a couple. You can even choose less expensive dishes to serve your guests or limit the bar to beer and wine.

But don’t let guests go home hungry and thirsty or rescind invitations in order to wear a fancier dress.

And don’t let a bridal consultant tell you to refuse your guests hospitality so that you can have a more expensive gown.

rezcycle

So apparently they are shutting down. How sad, Geocities was a big part of many of our digital histories. Here is one of the sites I made for it... enjoy it while you can!

www.geocities.com/smileybattle